Being Fat

I just read an article on binge eating & it said something about traumatic food experiences as a child. I mean, yeah a lot of things do go back to ur childhood & it made me think. I've always thought that my brother calling me "Fattie" all the time could definitely have something 2 do with how I feel about myself, even tho some people just write it off as siblings being mean 2 each other like they always are. I'm not trying 2 say that's the only reason I'm fat but I definitely think it had an effect on me. Among other things. There's these little moments I remember & if they didn't matter, why would they stick in my mind? Like when my mom took me shopping for jeans at Hills & I had gone up to a size 13 from an 11 & she said, "That's as high as u go." When I had a pink Miss Piggy toothbrush & my dad & brother started calling me Miss Piggy. And like I said, my other brother calling me Fattie repeatedly. Of course none of them realized what they were doing 2 my fragile brain but like I said, if these things had no impact on me, I really don't think I'd remember them so vividly.
I've always somewhat frustratingly resisted authority & I think that has something 2 do with it 2. My mom's skinny so I'll be fat. They want me 2 lose weight? I'll gain it. I have never once thought these things conciously, that would be seriously stupid, & I absolutely HATE that I am the way I am but I'm so stubborn that I'm even stubborn against myself. It's very aggravating. Rebelling against urself doesn't really sound possible but trust me, it is. 2 me it just seems like I eat what I eat becuz it tastes good & I like food but who knows. The only emotion that makes me wanna eat is stress. I really wish I could just get myself 2 get off my fat ass & exercise but just that word "exercise" makes me cringe. LoL. God, it's so bad. Maybe someday.....