Yeeeeah 2day was my last day of school. Of course, I missed it cuz I got lost trying to get there on my way from Elizabeth. Oh well, I'm sure they didn't miss me.
It's so weird how someone else can say something that u already kinda knew but when they say it it makes u realize it. Like, Elizabeth 2day said I don't do anything that makes me uncomfortable. I always kinda thought of it as I just don't do things I don't wanna do. But the way she said it makes more sense. I wish I knew why I did the things I do (or don't do). I dunno if I said this b4 but I'm pretty sure I stopped growing emotionally at about 17. I'm still part-teenager. And I feel like I have so little control over my own life. Maybe that's part of it. I wanna control what I can control so much that I go crazy overboard. I know I need to cut the umbilical cord but I'm not ready. I prolly will be eventually....
My b-day present from my parents this year is to go meet my niece. She's 5 1/2 months old & lives in NC so I haven't met her yet. I'm a little scared about flying by myself but I've done it once b4...12 yrs ago... I'm really more scared about how sad I'm gonna be when I hafta leave. And my parents aren't gonna be here on my actual b-day this year which I'm still a bit bitter about. And if a certain someone doesn't send me a b-day card, I'm gonna be beyond pissed.
I feel like Elizabeth really gets me. Maybe 2 much LoL. She realizes how messed up I am & that it's not gonna be easy 2 "fix" me. And that if it was up 2 me, I'd prolly just stay this way 4ever cuz, ya know, it's comfortable. I don't wanna think about it. Oh yeah that's another thing I do. Live in my fantasy worlds of TV, The Sims, books, etc, so as not 2 deal with life. Who wants 2 deal with life? Especially one like mine.
My RLS has been acting up again lately & I wanna chop my legs off. It's been going in2 my arms 2. So fucked up.....
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