Shitty

Well, I finally moved out of my shitty Lovejoy apt in2 a shitty Tonawanda apt. It's one of those things where u move in2 a place then realize everything that's wrong with it. For starters, my couch wouldn't fit up the f'ing stairs so now I hafta give it away. The heat is loud as shit when it comes on, the windows don't line up so I can't lock them, the doors are impossible to get to stay closed cuz the doorknobs are old & dumb, there was a problem with the electricity in my bedroom, my shower is so small I can't even rinse my hair without hitting my elbow on the door, there's sooo little storage in the bathroom & kitchen, & those disgusting little bugs I had in my kitchen at my other place that I thought I was getting away from were all over the cupboards. Yes, I looked at this place b4 I moved in & I saw it was small but it's different when you actually move in & realize Shit this place is reeally small. And my parents are just making it worse. My dad doesn't get my depression & just yells at me for being ungrateful. My mom doesn't wanna hear my bitching cuz "she's so sick of anger" but she's the one I call to talk about everything. I guess not any more. I have a year lease & even if I didn't what the hell am I gonna do, move out when I just moved in & go through all the Belmont (rental assistance) shit again? This whole entire new apt process was such a pain in the ass, which is why I procrastinated on it for so long. I knew I was gonna be stressed moving in here but I didn't think it'd be this bad. And I still have some stuff at the old place. Aaaaand the fucking door slamming omg!!!!!!!!! I dunno if the girls downstairs really like to slam doors or if it just sounds like it cuz u can hear everything here but it's extremely annoying. The only thing I'm happy about so far is that I don't hafta deal with those goddamn trains anymore. And I like this neighborhood. But I'm not happy. And my parents telling me 2 just get over it is really pissing me off. Pissed then depressed then pissed then depressed, it never ends. If Sylvia didn't say that when you kill yourself u hafta come back 2 this fucking hell hole & do it all over again, I'd prolly do it. I just can't see myself ever being different or happy. I hate myself I hate everything.