After 6 1/2 yrs of being single, I finally have a boyfriend again. I met him on FB (facebook), altho he's aquaintences with 1 of my friends. We're moving a bit fast. We became "official" the day after we met, we already had sex, & yesterday we had our 1st fight. I don't even know how 2 be in a relationship anymore. I catastrophize everything & constantly wonder if the happiness he gives me is worth all the jealousy & hurt that inevitebly goes along with a relationship. He's been coming 2 my house but he got pulled over & it's a far drive & all that crap so he wanted me 2 come 2 his house which I'm very scared 2 do cuz I've never been there & he has 2 roommates. I actually explained this all 2 him-I told him like everything, actually-but I know u can't really understand unless you've felt it 2. It seems stupid & crazy 2 other people. It was my idea 2 become "boyfriend/girlfriend" (LoL that sounds so incredibly elementary school but w/e) & now I'm wondering if I rushed in2 it 2 fast. But we have this connection & I don't think I've ever had more in common with anyone in my life ever than I do with him. He already said I love you which normally would send me running 4 the hills-saying it that fast, that is-but I dunno I think he's confusing love with infatuation or just strong feelings. I've thought it 2-I love you-but would not dare say it yet. Cuz I don't know him that well yet. I like him a lot. I don't like how much he seems 2 sleep but I mite be able 2 get over that. We'll see how much he can get over. I have a lotta issues.
I hate this but part of the reason I don't just tell him I can't do this or w/e & break up with him is cuz I would feel so damn stupid. I told EVERYONE about him & if we broke up after like 5 days I feel like I would look so incredibly stupid which is 1 of my biggest fears.
I do feel like we were meant to meet & I kinda feel like Torri (my friend who died in May) sent him 2 me & my tarot cards are saying stick with it but I'm so goddamn impatient!! I know, tarot cards, but I swear 2 God they're almost always right. I'm always shocked at how accurate they are. And they're telling me 2 be more empathetic & 2 think with my heart instead of my head, which I try 2 never do cuz I don't wanna get hurt again. I seriously don't think I could take it. After all the shit I went thru with Joe-the whole fucking reason I was single for over 6 yrs-I just could not take more heartache. I told Jason & I'm dead ass serious--if it doesn't work out with him I'm done. Done trying 2 find someone. I'll find a way 2 have a baby on my own someday becuz I cannot take the emotional pain of another relationship ending. It took me a very long time 2 get over Joe. It always takes me a long time 2 get over people, it has my entire life. So I'll either try girls or become a cat lady. I dunno if being a lesbian would be any better-people are still people-but u never know.
I hate waiting. But there's nothing else I can do so maybe I'll just go 2 sleep so 2morrow can be here.
